Here I am, 7 am, unable to sleep, so I figured I'd give a go at writing you a letter. It's come
to my attention lying here staring at the ceiling, that it bugs me more and more as times go by how
everyone I know seems to be maturing while I sit here stagnating, and honestly despite being two
years out of high school, I don't believe my self mentally mature enough for a real college. While
most everyone I know has been off making new friends, learning social skills, having the times of
their lives, I've just been dawdling away my life because of some mistakes I made in high school
and the time thereafter…
Another thing that part of me is trying to talk me out of saying is that part of me spites Brittany. She's never done anything to disserve ill feelings, and quite honestly has always come off as downright nice, but the childish part of me see's her as someone taking away a friend. I don't mean any offence by this, its just a… I suppose subconscious reaction. There is a selfish part of me that honestly wants to hold you back, part of me that didn't want you getting your license. Part of me that wants to keep us peers, so I can have someone I can relate to, but I digress.
I've spent this last week moping around, knowing everyone was going off, a couple of them never to return, and with Paul gone likely never seeing a good number of the ones who do return again anyway. I've been unable to sleep most of the week, and that’s led to a lot of reminiscing. For some reason the one moment that keeps coming up in my mind is when we watched Bleu in Gross's basement. You probably hardly remember it, but something about that crystallized in my mind, and is remembered as one of the highpoints of my life.
I just want you to know, never let me or anyone else for that matter hold you back, as if I could. I hope no offence was taken to this latter, none was meant. This ended up being a lot more honest than usual, perhaps more honest than I want to be, but oh well.
Wishing you the best,