nested parentheses and other idiosyncrasies
Just one quick letter and then I’ll start. It’s been two weeks and I still
haven’t started. . . Its been longer three maybe is more accurate. This place feels better
this year the trains don’t weep like I remember they did. I am settling into my own but the
change needs to come faster than its coming. I always have a hard time studying I just can’t
start. Tomorrow I’ll start. Tonight I have work to do. I’m going to be broke sooner
then later but I can see what I want in this place and I am left inspired to no subtle degree. I
live on my own I bake my own bread and cook my own food I wake up to a woman I love at least a few
nights a week. If not for the damned university I am a farm house and a walnut grove short of . .
.(We need a word for this and for some reason Heaven seems to come up short like you said its
impossible) ‘The Walnut Farm’ and I’ll readily defend that it is here on earth.
Its not so far from where we are now. I am thinking of doing an English paper on The Great Tower
and the Debasement of Language. I don’t know if this is a good idea. It’s far to much
for what he’s asking but I don’t know what else to do it on. It has to be personal And
what’s more personal then how two people interact? Heh. The radio show is actually going to
happen. Far less effort then I would have thought. Friday 4-6 AM. I need a name for the show if you
have any ideas. Seems like I can see gleaming of something in the distance but the hurtles
don’t seem to be any shorter or fewer then they were. How are you? And I mean how goes it?
Seems the closer we are the more we (at least I) worry. Everything else is, for the most part,
static. I’ve written a few songs in the short time I’ve been here and am finishing up a
few more: Weekends(written in all of ten min about Fargo and drinking), Atlas revisited( you heard
this one ‘all the good Christians’ (I can’t not say Chris-Tions hope fully its
idiomatic(that’s the right word right?)))*Ah nested parentheses*(at least they are idiomatic)
Lullaby No. 1 (for an unborn daughter) Lullaby No. 2 (electric) (this one might need your help
its. . . Maybe ‘brooding’ is the word like your on the edge of tears). I tried to write
a song about the tower didn’t take. But there’s Art in there somewhere I’ll find
it sooner or later. Where are you going to grad school (or working when your done)? Too early to
think about these things maybe. But I’m in a planning mood. I imagine a porch some where and
all things falling in place. . . Magic until science explains it.
May the vast open horizons great you as pleasantly (I like that),
"The ice is near, the solitude tremendous -- but how calmly all things
lie in the light! How freely one breathes! How much one feels beneath
"He believes neither in "misfortune" nor in "guilt" : he comes to terms
with himself with others; he knows how to forget -- he is strong enough;
hence everything must turn out for his best."
"It also seems to me that the rudest word, the rudest letter are still
more benign, more decent than silence. All who remain silent are
dyspeptic. Rudeness is by far the most humane for of contradiction and,
in the midst of effemincacy, one of our foremost virtues."
"Oh, I found it, my brothers! Here, in the higest spheres the fount of
pleasure wells up for me! And here is a life of which the rabble does
Brother, the sweetness in your verse swells me. You have already seen
with the greatest of solitude and I rejoice that you are able to look
with a gay heart. Don't remeber one or the other but forget both as it
is often hard for us to do. If Heaven is as easily found in the coldest
of days and the darkest of skies as it is in the Sun at self, only then
could I call that porch Heaven. Brother, I have binding myself and then
unravelling myself, I have been making circles but only escaping into
greater ones. I reach clarity everytime that I have completely missed
it. I have despised words and then I make love to them. But I think I
have come to terms with my own happiness, it is the same as my own
defeat, but still I look forward to a day of rest. I wish to drink from
the water that runs from the highest mountains and the from lowliest
caverns, and even I find my stream I don't know if I will find a place
to drink from it - I am sick of creating worlds, thoughts and grammars,
I simply want to dance with the ones that will always be there.
Work hard brother, we are but clay - we can only be molded until we are
too hard to feel.
Every Brick Independent or Answer the Damn Questions
Our letters don’t seem to follow each other I’m going to have a hell of a time trying
to put them in order(and I will try). I find it odd that you never answer my questions. I know you
must read every line several times. We both must. Your Nietzsche (I assume) has me still worried.
His thinking seems flawed to me but I am no expert. It has been my experience that it is not the
cave that creates the new ideas but the act of rushing down from the mountain in itself that calls
the Muses. Well I must remember to be more artless. Do not forget the people, the real ones I
mean. And maybe I mean everyone by that. I will have my first radio show on Friday at 4AM. My
attempts to try and reach out have crammed me into a tiny room at 4 in morning with no one else
around or even awake. I am enjoying this in the fullest. In the end I think people need to find me.
The resistance the other way is almost too much to over come. I think the Catholics have ruined
heaven for you. What’s the point of having a word for something no one can have or visit? It
is only on cold dark days that your Heaven exists, dear Brother. On warm days we have God’s
green earth and no Heaven can compare to that, to what is. . . Hmmm but we argue semantics and
definitions. We should start a film or some other grate work. I feel that at least this is coming
closer to poetry. I’m tempted to try my hand.
“Every brick Independent” The Mason said.
“How do you mean?” The Brick responds.
“Close proximity is a fault. Mortar makes the wall.”
“But ‘close’ is relative is it not?”
“Symmetry,” He said to the Brick “We both shaped and set that president long
ago” as another layer compounds the other.
“So I’m bound to they that I can never touch” The brick said realizing his
situation for the first time.
“You sound sad for someone surrounded by bothers” the Mason quipped, grinning and
“I guess it is my lot to accept but tell me” the Brick said “what’s the wall
“Every brick Independent” The mason said.
Heh. . . Well what do you think? Crappy little story but it shows my faults quite well. I like the
idea but my skills are dull oh well.
Waiting for answers to my damned questions,
. . .
I wish I had a sentence to describe how a sentence will never quite
express what I want to say . . . I guess this sentence is the best I can
To answer your questions: I am doing, I do not want to say to much,
because I know that if I write the feeling down that feeling takes on an
appearance to be much more concreted and real that it actually is. But
as the ash falls from my cigarette, I am tired, the only rest I get is
to read Nietzsche, but even doing that is becoming difficult. I am tired
of listing in my mind and on paper all the things that need to be
ACCOMPLISHED, the list perpetuates itself and it wants only more.
I know why you don't get Nietzsche, you read pieces, excerpts, quotes,
or maybe even full books. You need to drive w/ Nietzsche around the Lake
as we do. You need to drive around the Lake with everything that I send
you. It makes no sense, it has no purpose but it is something beyond all
of our descriptions.
My point on Heaven . . . we can use the term Heaven, but why use a term
that has been beaten, molested and torn apart to express
(_____________). Why dont' we call it the porch, that is all I need to
to be anyways.
I like your poem - but I don't have much to say, I have lied to you too
much already today.
I don't know what I will do or where I will be after I graduate Jeff,
but I hope I will never be here again. And if I must stay here, in this
physical spot, I hope that I will have a porch here.
"May the vast open Horizons greet you pleasantly" (I like that too)
-From an inscription on my wall