The Seventeenth (But First Open) Letter to Andrew Gross

Kafka died a few days ago. The fear that I would slip away with him was overwhelming. Couldn’t sleep. Thought I wouldn’t wake up. Instilling a perfect fear of death. Unable to operate under those conditions. So the fear lays dormant. The fishing is good here; It sustains me. I am half looking forward to and half dreading next year. Maybe the system will give me the forward motion I need and have needed for a long time. I miss people. . . I don’t know weather that is specific beings or just in general. What is our deal? Most friends are “there for each other” and that really doesn’t apply to us. . . At least in the conventional since. We have to much hesitation. Far to much. I realized the other day that when I die (or before hand) that people will be able to understand me at least in some since. I will have left behind letters and diaries and music for anyone willing to look for it. This makes me content. I had a dream the other night Shatner was a room mate of mine we were close but didn’t talk much he died and I had to take care of his dog. . . Felt more emotion then I have in awhile. I won’t have enough money for everything next year. I will run out of food money near the end of the year que sera sera. I should update the medium page I have more then a few songs. I want to mix the failure with something half good and that may take awhile. I am afraid of what you said before. That were done talking. I don’t really know what to do about that. I know there are things you don’t know but I’m afraid you will have to ask for them. As any one can and no one does. People seem to have a fear of these public forums for things like this but we know the truth is. If we have transcended anything it should be lies.

Comment by: Forshee on Jul 5, '06
My letters to gross have become more and more surrealistic over the years so feel free to ask questions here. I'll do my best to explain.
Comment by: Jesse Donat on Jul 5, '06
Did Kafka actually die a few days ago? I'm not up on my Kafka, but I thought he lived long ago.
Comment by: forshee on Jul 5, '06
Indeed. Kafka died in 1924 but I have been reading his diary and have grown quite attached. I have been reading that for far to long and slowly watched his sanity and life slip away. I finished the diary a few days ago. I tend to state opinions as facts and thatís what this is. . . Kinda.
Comment by: Jesse Donat on Jul 5, '06
I assume you speak of heading back off to college after your hiatus, I can understand where you're comming from, this is my second already. Just remember that if you overfish one spot one day the fish will run out and you'll have nothing to fall back upon.
Comment by: Forshee on Jul 5, '06
Nice comment but this is another spot where things get confusing if you donít read a lot of my letters. The fishing comment stands by itself and is kind of a way of saying I have everything I need to live. Its still evolving so we will have to see what the definition ends up as. It come from some advice Andrew gave me once: Sex is like fishing. Some people go out to get drunk and dip their hook in the water but for others its almost a religious experience and brings people closer together. Donít dip your hook in the water.




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