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Listen folks, I bear today the imutable truth that none can deny; that John Madden supposed football guru is none other than Demon Lord Braxis, spawn of satan from the eternal pits deep it the underworld sent in succubus form to devour the world in insantity for the dark lord to corrupt. When you hear the demon's rousing cry of stupidity, "...the object is to get the brown leather ball into the painted area at the end of the field," can you doubt for one second the above truth. I feel whenever I see that bohemian monster on screen that a should order chinese food and plunge the chopsticks into my chest while forcing an entire carry-out thing of dry rice into my gullet, leting it slide into my stomach and expand causing me to explode it'd be a pain I'd willingly accept as punishment for hearing that man speak. "The reciever's job is to catch the ball, while the quarterback's job is to throw it," no duh, idiot! "The running back shouldn't drop the ball like that..." is he lecturing retards. What I see when I picture him is a man with a face greasy from sixleged chicken saying, "..you know the coach can not challenge in the last two minutes.." and as Pat Somerall replies, "There are three minutes left." and Madden taking a long hard stare at him and then yelling while shaking his flabby arms wildly, "FOOOOTBAAAALL, uuuaghic-haaaa." Do the world a favor Madden die and leave the world in peace.
- Magico reflecting on professional Football.