Quotes


Mimes commit unspeakable acts.
— Andy Borne

Sleep is for the Weak/Week
— Jesse Donat

if we've learned anything tonight, it's that any car built in Japan is made to run with a tiger trapper inside the engine.
— Paul

A cat in the pants is worth two in the bag
— Jesse Donat

Christian Rap, praise the lord, then slap your bitch
— Jesse Donat

Smiling organ, not like an instrument, but like a spleen or liver
— Forshizzle

It's like Sarah Lee, you don't care if she's on some sort of drug trip, you just shut up and eat the damned cake
— Forshizzle

Canned salmon are easier to catch when they swim up stream to boogie down
— Forshizzle

We must train a dolphin to wear a cape and fight crime.
— Andy Borne

Listening to Björk is like being beaten with art
— Forshizzle

Someone else poisoned her soy!
— Forshizzle

Damn shes fat32, file alocation table
— Jesse Donat

Damn she ntfs, file alocation table
— Jesse Donat

What can I say, I suck bigtime
— Chris Franson

lived on decaf, faced no devil, evil I did dwell, lewd did I live.
— Jesse Donat

Allah prefers vinyl and condemns the CD to eternal fire for poor dynamic range.
— Allah

He who is willing to sacrifice liberty for a small measure of safety deserves neither liberty nor safety.
— Benjamin Franklin

"I'm not as awesome as you...I still have a conscience." - Etalo
— Meka

My apostrophe finger doesn't work very fast.
— Kern

Sounds like I have the hots for Freud.
— Kern

I got it at the dollar store for two dollars, wait... less then that
— Paul "Vanillacoke" Johnson

I am bitch!
— Gross

Do it like it's dirty.
— Gross

When is the last time you saw a pepermint pig wearing a four leaf clover?
— A sociology prof

Epitaph - Made more money faster. Lost more money in one day. Led the biggest jailbreak in history. He died
— Ross Perot

If you think about it, everything is made out of small rocks
— Paul Johnson

Holler until he comes!
— Caleb

Do people really think about sex?
— Ben Goodlund

I'll appear in your porno, as long as I can keep my pubic hair.
— Forshizzle

It's like you sucked your way over to Franson.
— Andy

The game would just confuse me, sexually.
— Jesse Donat

That was just the raw power of Oren's ass.
— Forshizzle

Without me, I am nothing.
— Paul

It's a learning llama.
— Forshizzle

Imagine we're at the big wiener.
— Herr Ronay

It's a door that opens but never closes.
— Kern

She'd probably feed herself to the pig.
— Forshizzle

The evil pizzas were no match for a simple stoplight.
— Power Rangers

More things are made by insects than we'd like to admit.
— some nature show

That's not what you say if you want to get out of the coat.
— Stephanie

If I'm a woman one more time, I'm going to explode.
— Forshizzle

You gave her a kiss; she made a llama.
— Andy

I'm not gay; I'm just aroused by everything.
— Byron

This isn't ice cream anymore. It's cancer deaths.
— Mr. English

It's a skull! Eventually, it's going to get tired!
— Forshizzle

School Lunch wants YOU!
— actual poster in cafeteria

There's probably a plant that's indigenous to somewhere in Santana's house.
— Forshizzle

Who wants muffin juice?
— Joe Deeney

My ego is better than yours.
— Andy

Brian, your shirt's on.
— Luke

Time flies when you have a broken clock.
— Forshizzle

C'mon, God has a codpiece and an AK-47!
— Kokiri

Ask about our No-Questions policy.
— Joe Deeney

That's not a testicle! Eww...
— Forshizzle

Go hang a salami; I'm a lasagna hog.
— I Palindrome I

This is a Socialism -- give me that!
— Andy

Fear had given him a bicycle.
— Joe Deeney

I summon the god of leverage!
— Forshizzle

Nothing says 'I love you' like 200 tons of mayonnaise.
— Joe Deeney

She was cross, but not because of the monkey.
— 9th grade English textbook

I wonder what real turtle boobs look like
— Alex

Think of the overall process involved here: namely castrating a camel and tanning its scrotum to act as a vessel for your explosives.
— Andy Borne

The cat was so high . . . . . . . . . . up in the tree
— PBS

They'll never know the touch of a felt hand puppet, the passion of an over-the-hill child star, or the fragrant odor of sweaty, under-paid dwarf in a dumb looking sea monster costume.
— IMDB review

There will be porn groove regardless of how many people tell me to shut up
— Forshizzle

Why wouldn't you show a monkey your nipples? I know I would
— Jesse Donat

If god had meant for all of us to be able to pee in bottles. . .
— Forshizzle

We should transcend ownership of information; thought should be given to the community, not owned... Mainly so I wouldn't have to write out bibliographies
— Jesse Donat

the kids think mommy's sexy
— TV ad

My nipples are paralyzed! Ow!
— Caleb

Its one thing to insult a man on his character, but to insult a man on his grade of rice, that‘s another thing entirely.
— Jesse Donat

Who needs to fly when you can eat people?
— Todd Le

Every time you see an alternating series on a test you should pleasure yourself in some way.
— Dr. Jim Coykendall

Jesus wants us to be hot for Him, not lukewarm.
— Lambuel

I think everyones played a xylophone at some point in their life.
— Jesse Donat

well i do have a rugged appearance
— Paul Johnson

I wouldn't recognize a geologist if I slept with one
— Andy Borne

Wouldn't it be funny if MacJagger got gang green?
— Anonymous Bastard

I wish I could give Bob Dylan a rainbow
— John Forshee

Don't mind me, I'm just making a cardboard sword
— Paul

the game is called Pron the first person shooter
— Jeff Forshee

Yea, that's pretty naked
— Paul

Do what you want with me... Sexy Scientist lady
— Jeff Forshee

You need a man and a woman for that?
— Jesse Donat

I'm terrible at lying. Either that or I've just blown your mind.
— Paul Johnson

I know I'm beating a dead horse, but its my horse damn it
— Jesse Donat

It'd be cool to say, "I got deported from France because they thought I was too much man for them." It would be a great pickup line
— Alex Schnayder

Hey Bootie, Wang is here and is having trouble logging in
— one of Jesse's teachers

They don't always have their facts 100% collect.
— Jesse Donat

Theres only so much Muskrat Love some can take before they have to kill someone.
— Teacher

If I had a floppy I would so be in BeOS right now.
— Jesse Donat

I was thinking about including a decimal button on my calculator but it would have ruined my beautiful design
— Jesse Donat

You can take my badge but you can?t stop me for telling people about the bees!
— Killer Bees (the movie)

Man that guy is such a cannibal snob.
— Alek

Well sorry that my man-flattery isn't up to par but thats kind of weird and uncharted waters.
— Forshizzle

my ovaries are frozen, do you have a microwave so i can defrost them?
— your mom

From a practical standpoint, there's not much meat on a housecat.
— Joel

Well I have rolerblades on, I'm not suited to operate a phone
— Jesse Donat

I wish I were a lion tamer, so I could hand feed blind jazz singers the hands of the innocent spectators who stepped too close.
— Jesse Donat

That's not convenient. It'd be a huge pain in the ass to get an ostrich to stay under an umbrella.
— Andy Borne

Now I'll never purchase soap from you.
— Paul Johnson

You do not secure the liberty of our country and value of our democracy by undermining them, that's the road to hell.
— Lord Phillips of Sudbury

Them's fighting words you miss-potato-naming bastard!
— Forshee

Rainbows have their place. In the sky is great; right above a pot of gold is even better, but a monitor screen is a terrible place for a rainbow.
— John Bachman

I'm not having the police telling me what type of garden gnome I can have in my garden
— Gordon MacKillop

And if that doesn't put you in the mood for sex and Tetris at the same time, you're either a robot or a gay robot.
— Seanbaby

I refuse to buy a dongle because I don't think I could stop giggling.
— Jeff Forshee

What kind of world are we living in when you can't trust an Octopus???
— Bobobo-bo-bo-bobo

There's no time to luge.
— Jesse Donat

It's not a party until you have three men in your bed.
— Jesse Donat

So I just stand up and go Wii?
— Paul Johnson

It combines my love of letter writing with my love of fondling. . . brilliant
— Jeff Forshee

What could be scarier than a skull with a devil up its nose?
— Barry Wood

Looks like that testicle comparison class you took at Brown is finally paying off.
— Jeff Forshee

It's not often someone links me a photo on a blog in a foreign language and I think "I've been naked there."
— Andy Borne

I hear apple lawyers are ruthless. Steve jobs could eat the brains of a small child on live television and the lawyers could still find a technicality to get him off.
— Alek Schnader

They think he's the cats pajams, and he hasn't even met the cat
— Jesse Donat

I am of chili. A taste to know yourself. Regards
— Valeria Donat