Quotes

“ Mimes commit unspeakable acts. ”
— Andy Borne

“ Sleep is for the Weak/Week ”
— Jesse Donat

“ if we've learned anything tonight, it's that any car built in Japan is made to run with a tiger trapper inside the engine. ”
— Paul

“ A cat in the pants is worth two in the bag ”
— Jesse Donat

“ Christian Rap, praise the lord, then slap your bitch ”
— Jesse Donat

“ Smiling organ, not like an instrument, but like a spleen or liver ”
— Forshizzle

“ It's like Sarah Lee, you don't care if she's on some sort of drug trip, you just shut up and eat the damned cake ”
— Forshizzle

“ Canned salmon are easier to catch when they swim up stream to boogie down ”
— Forshizzle

“ We must train a dolphin to wear a cape and fight crime. ”
— Andy Borne

“ Listening to Björk is like being beaten with art ”
— Forshizzle

“ Someone else poisoned her soy! ”
— Forshizzle

“ Damn shes fat32, file alocation table ”
— Jesse Donat

“ Damn she ntfs, file alocation table ”
— Jesse Donat

“ What can I say, I suck bigtime ”
— Chris Franson

“ lived on decaf, faced no devil, evil I did dwell, lewd did I live. ”
— Jesse Donat

“ Allah prefers vinyl and condemns the CD to eternal fire for poor dynamic range. ”
— Allah

“ He who is willing to sacrifice liberty for a small measure of safety deserves neither liberty nor safety. ”
— Benjamin Franklin

“ "I'm not as awesome as you...I still have a conscience." - Etalo ”
— Meka

“ My apostrophe finger doesn't work very fast. ”
— Kern

“ Sounds like I have the hots for Freud. ”
— Kern

“ I got it at the dollar store for two dollars, wait... less then that ”
— Paul "Vanillacoke" Johnson

“ I am bitch! ”
— Gross

“ Do it like it's dirty. ”
— Gross

“ When is the last time you saw a pepermint pig wearing a four leaf clover? ”
— A sociology prof

“ Epitaph - Made more money faster. Lost more money in one day. Led the biggest jailbreak in history. He died ”
— Ross Perot

“ If you think about it, everything is made out of small rocks ”
— Paul Johnson

“ Holler until he comes! ”
— Caleb

“ Do people really think about sex? ”
— Ben Goodlund

“ I'll appear in your porno, as long as I can keep my pubic hair. ”
— Forshizzle

“ It's like you sucked your way over to Franson. ”
— Andy

“ The game would just confuse me, sexually. ”
— Jesse Donat

“ That was just the raw power of Oren's ass. ”
— Forshizzle

“ Without me, I am nothing. ”
— Paul

“ It's a learning llama. ”
— Forshizzle

“ Imagine we're at the big wiener. ”
— Herr Ronay

“ It's a door that opens but never closes. ”
— Kern

“ She'd probably feed herself to the pig. ”
— Forshizzle

“ The evil pizzas were no match for a simple stoplight. ”
— Power Rangers

“ More things are made by insects than we'd like to admit. ”
— some nature show

“ That's not what you say if you want to get out of the coat. ”
— Stephanie

“ If I'm a woman one more time, I'm going to explode. ”
— Forshizzle

“ You gave her a kiss; she made a llama. ”
— Andy

“ I'm not gay; I'm just aroused by everything. ”
— Byron

“ This isn't ice cream anymore. It's cancer deaths. ”
— Mr. English

“ It's a skull! Eventually, it's going to get tired! ”
— Forshizzle

“ School Lunch wants YOU! ”
— actual poster in cafeteria

“ There's probably a plant that's indigenous to somewhere in Santana's house. ”
— Forshizzle

“ Who wants muffin juice? ”
— Joe Deeney

“ My ego is better than yours. ”
— Andy

“ Brian, your shirt's on. ”
— Luke

“ Time flies when you have a broken clock. ”
— Forshizzle

“ C'mon, God has a codpiece and an AK-47! ”
— Kokiri

“ Ask about our No-Questions policy. ”
— Joe Deeney

“ That's not a testicle! Eww... ”
— Forshizzle

“ Go hang a salami; I'm a lasagna hog. ”
— I Palindrome I

“ This is a Socialism -- give me that! ”
— Andy

“ Fear had given him a bicycle. ”
— Joe Deeney

“ I summon the god of leverage! ”
— Forshizzle

“ Nothing says 'I love you' like 200 tons of mayonnaise. ”
— Joe Deeney

“ She was cross, but not because of the monkey. ”
— 9th grade English textbook

“ I wonder what real turtle boobs look like ”
— Alex

“ Think of the overall process involved here: namely castrating a camel and tanning its scrotum to act as a vessel for your explosives. ”
— Andy Borne

“ The cat was so high . . . . . . . . . . up in the tree ”
— PBS

“ They'll never know the touch of a felt hand puppet, the passion of an over-the-hill child star, or the fragrant odor of sweaty, under-paid dwarf in a dumb looking sea monster costume. ”
— IMDB review

“ There will be porn groove regardless of how many people tell me to shut up ”
— Forshizzle

“ Why wouldn't you show a monkey your nipples? I know I would ”
— Jesse Donat

“ If god had meant for all of us to be able to pee in bottles. . . ”
— Forshizzle

“ We should transcend ownership of information; thought should be given to the community, not owned... Mainly so I wouldn't have to write out bibliographies ”
— Jesse Donat

“ the kids think mommy's sexy ”
— TV ad

“ My nipples are paralyzed! Ow! ”
— Caleb

“ Its one thing to insult a man on his character, but to insult a man on his grade of rice, that‘s another thing entirely. ”
— Jesse Donat

“ Who needs to fly when you can eat people? ”
— Todd Le

“ Every time you see an alternating series on a test you should pleasure yourself in some way. ”
— Dr. Jim Coykendall

“ Jesus wants us to be hot for Him, not lukewarm. ”
— Lambuel

“ I think everyones played a xylophone at some point in their life. ”
— Jesse Donat

“ well i do have a rugged appearance ”
— Paul Johnson

“ I wouldn't recognize a geologist if I slept with one ”
— Andy Borne

“ Wouldn't it be funny if MacJagger got gang green? ”
— Anonymous Bastard

“ I wish I could give Bob Dylan a rainbow ”
— John Forshee

“ Don't mind me, I'm just making a cardboard sword ”
— Paul

“ the game is called Pron the first person shooter ”
— Jeff Forshee

“ Yea, that's pretty naked ”
— Paul

“ Do what you want with me... Sexy Scientist lady ”
— Jeff Forshee

“ You need a man and a woman for that? ”
— Jesse Donat

“ I'm terrible at lying. Either that or I've just blown your mind. ”
— Paul Johnson

“ I know I'm beating a dead horse, but its my horse damn it ”
— Jesse Donat

“ It'd be cool to say, "I got deported from France because they thought I was too much man for them." It would be a great pickup line ”
— Alex Schnayder

“ Hey Bootie, Wang is here and is having trouble logging in ”
— one of Jesse's teachers

“ They don't always have their facts 100% collect. ”
— Jesse Donat

“ Theres only so much Muskrat Love some can take before they have to kill someone. ”
— Teacher

“ If I had a floppy I would so be in BeOS right now. ”
— Jesse Donat

“ I was thinking about including a decimal button on my calculator but it would have ruined my beautiful design ”
— Jesse Donat

“ You can take my badge but you can?t stop me for telling people about the bees! ”
— Killer Bees (the movie)

“ Man that guy is such a cannibal snob. ”
— Alek

“ Well sorry that my man-flattery isn't up to par but thats kind of weird and uncharted waters. ”
— Forshizzle

“ my ovaries are frozen, do you have a microwave so i can defrost them? ”
— your mom

“ From a practical standpoint, there's not much meat on a housecat. ”
— Joel

“ Well I have rolerblades on, I'm not suited to operate a phone ”
— Jesse Donat

“ I wish I were a lion tamer, so I could hand feed blind jazz singers the hands of the innocent spectators who stepped too close. ”
— Jesse Donat

“ That's not convenient. It'd be a huge pain in the ass to get an ostrich to stay under an umbrella. ”
— Andy Borne

“ Now I'll never purchase soap from you. ”
— Paul Johnson

“ You do not secure the liberty of our country and value of our democracy by undermining them, that's the road to hell. ”
— Lord Phillips of Sudbury

“ Them's fighting words you miss-potato-naming bastard! ”
— Forshee

“ Rainbows have their place. In the sky is great; right above a pot of gold is even better, but a monitor screen is a terrible place for a rainbow. ”
— John Bachman

“ I'm not having the police telling me what type of garden gnome I can have in my garden ”
— Gordon MacKillop

“ And if that doesn't put you in the mood for sex and Tetris at the same time, you're either a robot or a gay robot. ”
— Seanbaby

“ I refuse to buy a dongle because I don't think I could stop giggling. ”
— Jeff Forshee

“ What kind of world are we living in when you can't trust an Octopus??? ”
— Bobobo-bo-bo-bobo

“ There's no time to luge. ”
— Jesse Donat

“ It's not a party until you have three men in your bed. ”
— Jesse Donat

“ So I just stand up and go Wii? ”
— Paul Johnson

“ It combines my love of letter writing with my love of fondling. . . brilliant ”
— Jeff Forshee

“ What could be scarier than a skull with a devil up its nose? ”
— Barry Wood

“ Looks like that testicle comparison class you took at Brown is finally paying off. ”
— Jeff Forshee

“ It's not often someone links me a photo on a blog in a foreign language and I think "I've been naked there." ”
— Andy Borne

“ I hear apple lawyers are ruthless. Steve jobs could eat the brains of a small child on live television and the lawyers could still find a technicality to get him off. ”
— Alek Schnader

“ They think he's the cats pajams, and he hasn't even met the cat ”
— Jesse Donat

“ I am of chili. A taste to know yourself. Regards ”
— Valeria Donat