Rants

One thing that’s been bugging me a lot lately is what’s the point of doing anything at all. For example, I’ve always liked to doodle/create, but I know there are probably billions of people out there who are magnitudes better than I. What’s the point is what I just can’t figure out. And yet I continue, but why, what drive to I have when I know I’ll never be good. I can’t even draw a straight line as well as my father. Is that because he was a draftsman? I don’t believe so, I’ve seen his high school works and the technics behind even some of the simplest things beat anything I’ve ever done. If I had just an ounce of that talent. Playing video games falls somewhat in this boat too. They are in no way productive. I gain nothing by playing them so what is the point. At least when I do something artistic I have something pretty in the end to look at. I don’t game nearly as much as I used to, even Oblivion, I am nowhere near as into as you. I collect, I have many many cartridges, discs, roms, etc that I don’t play. Whats the point of that? Some kind of just collection urge? I collect images, I have a folder full of just stupid images like a japanse guy with a frog on his head, do I use them for anything? You’re well aware how many 8 balls I have, how many lava lamps I have. I have seven graphing calculators Ti-82, Ti-83, Ti-83 Silver, Ti-85, Ti-89, Ti-92, and a Color Casio one. Three of them are within reach. What do I need these for? You know I have a huge movie collection; I have something like 300 movies, what percent have I actually watched? It’s pretty small. There is some kind of hording instinct in me.

On Of fear and the golden rule, for me it wasn’t a fear of pushing myself upon people perse. I guess I just always valid humbleness. I always liked just solid color shirts myself. During high school my mom would go to the store and come back with shirts with skulls and shit on them (I’ve no idea why she thought I liked that), but now I wear just solid colors. Yesterday I was at target wearing red shirt, khakis, and got asked “do you work here?” twice. Today, blue shirt, khackies. My fear of color is gone, I don’t know what happened. Its reflected in my art, in what I wear. Etc. There’s still no excuse for the color yellow though, ever.
It’s more of a tendency to think everything I ever do is a mistake, especially in a social context, rather than to think I’m forcing myself upon people, though I have to say I agree completely on the point that the people who isolate themselves, myself included want things thrust upon them. As you know, I am completely indecisive. This too roots from my complete fear of mistakes. I don’t make the mistake, its not my fault. And yet theres part of me that wants to take charge, like in a group, people argue about who does what, I just want to yell ‘shut up, I’ll do it all myself’ I dislike working in groups because it never fails that someone isn’t going to pull their weight, its just the entire basis of groups.

The concept of work is something that drives me insane. What is life really other than a period of time we get to exist, and we trade portions of it to someone else, for things to keep us existing.

Now for just a random whine. Deviant art’s gone completely to hell, no? There’s an option now to disallow critique. What’s the point of posting your art on the web if you’re not trying to improve, if all you want is praise because you believe yourself perfect. I take offense to the pure idea of this.

In response to of school and educators, if not teachers, perhaps instructors.

As for questions of you, I have no idea. This is another one of my weaknesses. An x-girlfriend who shall remain nameless during the processes of dumping me informed me that I knew nothing about her, which was true, she asked me what her favorite color was, I had no idea but I wondered at the time why that was even relevant.

What do I want of this open letter writing experience? More than anything just a place to vent I suppose. I don’t get to talk to people much. I don’t get to converse. I go to school and the only people I really have any kind of conversations with are the instructors and that’s only ocasionaly. Then I come home where my mothers idea of a conversation is her whining on and on, everything having to do with the context of her. Having a conversation with my dad is little better because hes stubborn as a mule, if he has an opinion on something he sticks to it, you argue otherwise and he basicly just says no, this is how it is, which can be very frustrating. Then I get on AIM to have a conversation, and It ends up usually as an argument with Borne or just a lame ‘Sup? Not Much’ conversation, or lack thereof as it were.

Well this was completely randomly tossed together at 4am this morning. I’m not sure who knows this, I know Borne does, but I have a lazy eye and when I get tired it becomes increasingly hard to control. My eyes right now are looking in two completely different directions and neither in focus. On the love at the end of my previous letter, it was more along the lines of uncertainty as to the spelling of something more extravagant such as ‘Sincerely’ but it was not overly uncomfortable to use.

Of School and educators: I was once told that collages are a wealth of knowledge for one reason and one reason only. The freshmen come in with some knowledge and the seniors don’t leave with any. I believe the proper response to that is to laugh and cringe at once. You are right in not calling them professors. I like that it shows respect for the language. But you are wrong to call them teachers. They do not teach. They educate. Teachers are respectable beings they will take you hand and pull you along. An educator will throw you to the wolves. This subject causes me much stress probably more then anything else. I’ve been going through and reregistering and I get something akin to your “lunch line fear.” I see years of my life bridging off of a single instant. . . Almost paralyzing.
Of fear and the golden rule: Fear makes us do funny things. Fear makes us not do things. I have found that a good chunk of my life was a product of trying not to push my self upon people. My guess is that you share a some what similar philosophy. Early in life this really affected me. This is why I ware earthy tones and clothes that lack any sort of markings. I also make almost no sound when I walk. I thought that the sound of footfall was even pushing myself on people in some twisted way or another. I became am observer. But remove your self and think. This isolation is obviously self destructive but more then that it is illogical. People want to have things thrust upon them. The people who isolate them selves more then the rest. I’ve been trying to put myself out there more often. Though I tend to latch on to people harder then they can bear evidently.
Of the new language and warm bodies: When to people really get to know each other an odd thing happens. The definitions of words are refined. Things only mean one thing. Confusion is more or less eliminated. This speed of understanding is truly comforting. A new language develops only perceivable by the people that created it. I find that some terms do need to be added. The first was the concept of “warm bodies.” People only exist once you get to know them the rest of these things are just warm bodies. Which is not to say they aren’t comforting. They just aren’t people.
Of questions and continuation: What do you want of this? I’m not sure I have an answer to that anymore for most people. I only know that people are more comforting then the warm bodies I have to deal with day in and day out. I hope this back and forth continues. I hope it branches out. Feel more then encouraged to ask any question of me. People never ask enough important questions. What did you mean by “Love: Jesse Donat”? Just a letter ending maybe? Love is a powerful word but I use it more often these days. . .

In writing my response letter to Jeff I decided to go about it in a more classical approach. I wrote it on a mechanical typewriter.

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I'm sorry, but if I see one more 24 hour news network anchor pretend like they know how to solve some unsolved mystery I'm going to lose it. These people masquerade around like security guards with an Oedipus complex. For the last time oh mighty 24-hour news anchor, you aren't a detective so report the damn news already and stop speculating. You know what a good way to identify when some news anchor is blowing bullshit 20 feet in the air? When every other word out of their mouth is "could" or "might" or "possibly." Why don't they just cut to the chase and admit that they have absolutely no bloody idea who killed Jane Doe and why. There's this pesky thing called police, and it's about damn time that news anchors leave crime solving to the people who are actually accountable for what they say and do. Because as far as I know, Greta Van Sustren or Geraldo haven't solved too many double homicides (though Geraldo did really blow the lid off Al Capone's Safe).

This is just something of a rant, but I think the 20 dollar bill should be eliminated and replaced with a 25 dollar bill so our paper moneys increments match our coinages increments. What?s more I think the $25 bill should feature Ronald Regan rather than Andrew Jackson, on the grounds that Andrew Jackson was not at all a good president with the 'Indian Removal Act' of 1830 and what not.

Bonjourno,

I'm here today to speak to you all fine citizens about the banes of my existence: Mr. Bill O'Riley of Fox News and Lou Dobbs of CNN. I understand and respect the desire both of these men have for bringing important news topics to the attention of the American public. Each of these men speak of topics that often will have substantial impact on the way you and I live our lives, and they believe in what they do.

This being said, Lou Dobbs and Bill O'Riley have come to embody the essence of all that is contemptible about 24 hour "news" networks. I believe it was the great man Louis Black who put it best when he said: "it takes these guys a month to bring you 24 hours of news."

And this all brings me to why Lou Dobbs and Bill O'Riley are the banes of my existence. Each of these gentlemen in the hopes of diffusing their respective viewpoints into the American consciousness literally dramatize issues to the point at which I just can't take it any more. Of the endless news stories these fine gentlemen present to you, many are very important and need to be discussed. However Bill O'Riley and Lou Dobbs would rather do that discussion for you. Almost without exception, 24 hour news network hosts cant seem to find more than 10 minutes of actual news to report so it'd be a grand idea if everyone became so paranoid about a particular issue that they never went outside, as opposed to giving people the information and letting them make up their own minds in a calm, rationale manner. While most network host do this, Bill O'Riley and Lou Dobbs are especially guilty parties. I challenge any one of you to try to sit through an entire broadcast and one of three things will happen. One, you physically won't be able to watch an entire show (personally I'm lucky if I last five minutes). Two, you will notices how ridiculously overdramatic these gentlemen are. Or three, you will get incredibly bored and change the channel after 20 minutes of mind-numbing analysis by these two fine gentlemen. (Note: It is entirely possible one or more of these things will happen). In the unlikely event none of these things happen than I strongly suggest you take a vacation and lighten up. About the only news network host I enjoy is Keith Oberman on MSNBC. His show is both informative and enjoyable, probably because he's not trying to shove his point of view down your throat (see Bill O'Riley and Lou Dobbs). Keith is what a news anchor is supposed to be, Bill O'Riley and Lou Dobbs could do well to take pointers from him.

Now I don't see the world through rose-colored glasses. We do live in a incredibly complicated world that has grown ever more connected through our advances in technology. Much of our world is deeply troubled and there is nothing worse than sweeping the bad news under the rug. That being said, how bout coming up with some reasonable solutions instead of doing nothing but repeating what's wrong with the world for an hour. Or better yet, maybe take five minutes out of an hour-long program to show people where progress is being made. I mean is that too much to ask, five minutes about where things are coming together, and I don't mean the kind of 30-second spots that you have at the end of local news broadcasts. You know, the kind about fluffy the surfing squirrel. I mean take five minutes or so at the end of the broadcast so people realize that not everything they hold dear is going to hell in a hand basket as the 24-hour news networks would have you believe. Heck by putting it at the end of the broadcast, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, etc. could still make sure that, 'if it bleeds, it leads.'

On Saturday morning (today) I was meeting my group for an accounting project on the bottom floor of the Carlson School of Management (one of the Midwest's top business schools). There's an anti-war conference going on at the school and a socialist group has a table set up. I can't help but think that maybe the socialists could be looking for a more likely audience than students who are studying for the sole purpose of profiting off of capitalism! Obviously they did not take any marketing classes, maybe because they wouldn't want to take any of those evil business classes, but who knows. Anyways, it made me somewhat upset, and Jesse wants me to post, so it is what it is.

I’ve been meaning to write to you for some time now. I’ve gotten into the habit of writing letters to a handful of people. Some how I keep putting yours off. I don’t know why. I think your one of the people I fear loosing. We’ve always been close but we’ve never been close. I feel like I don’t really know you all that well. I feel like I don’t know most people that well. I am not content in just casually knowing some one and its become almost an obsession of late. I’ve discovered that the truth is. So simple that most people think there needs to be more. It there for its own sake and should be freely given because that’s the only time it has value. I tend to rant. I think that’s what I like about letters. Information can be just thrown on to the page at almost the speed to thought and then some one else can process it all later. I think this page is a good place for ranting like this. My Space and all the others are fundamentally corrupt for a number of reasons but this is something we made and can shape how we want. Even if nothing comes of it. Well what is my point? I really have no idea but I was telling Gross truth exists in the back and forth and not in any one side. I want to get to know more people and to understand (the word fails me here) everyone that I know. But I find people fight me on this. Or at least they seem to. I really don’t mind telling anyone anything. I think I have reached a point where I could tell a stranger the most personal things I have. I tend to rant. I seem to be repeating myself. Well maybe I come off as crazy in this and that’s probably not far from the truth. But maybe if I’ve said anything at all we can build on that (though looking back I’m not sure I have). I will leave you with a question. One that now many would answer publicly. What is your sin? The one thing that makes you truly guilty. I find that most people have one that’s not even “immoral” or illegal. I know mine isn’t. Well at bear minimum I hope this is an olive branch. . . Seems like we’ve been drifting. . .