Rants

Well, now popular culture has gone and done it. Perhaps this is one time too many to lash out at the media whores and money snatchers, perhaps it isn't. You be the judge.

Now then, for the reason behind this article. This is perhaps the single most frightening thing that has happened to me in the last year, if not my entire life. Now then, I was drawing parallels between the society of the 1950's and now (perhaps Andrew can relate to the assignment), and I came across the following: Buddy Holly (along with several other notable musicians of the time), Ben Hur, and The Catcher in the Rye. Now this, in and of itself, may not seem so bad. However, following this, and some in-depth thought processes, the best parallels I could come up with were N* Sync (Stync), Dude, Wheres My Car, and (pick a crappy grocery store romance novel title and insert here). Does this scare the hell out of anyone besides me?

After viewing another informative episode of the O'Reily Factor on FOX news I came to the conclusion that I despise the program PETA. Than after reading Franson's inspired article on Oprah being the Queen of Feebs my hatred of PETA grew to a point where I couldn't retain it. The problem PETA with that I found is that it is tax exempt; this is because it is a non profit, government sponsored organization. And the problem with tax exemption is we the tax payers and future tax payers of America are having to pay extra to cover the amount that the tax exempt organization are not paying, which ultimately means that we the tax payers and future tax payers are giving money to these organizations. This would not bother me if my money was going to an organization that contributed to the betterment of America, as PETA openly does not do. PETA funds terrorist attacks on American companies that don't sponsor PETA's radical views of screwing humans and saving cows. As well as PETA isn't exactly a partial organization in the meaning that they definitly have an agenda and a radical view point, which means that all Americans are funding radical view points as well as terrorism, and that just doesn't settle in my stomach. PETA's tax exemption is a horrible problem that spawns from the Clinton administration, but then I ask myself the question, When the hell is Bush going to do something about it? So I personally wrote a letter to PETA and a letter to my state senator explaining my extreme disocontent and I would urge any American citizen who doesn't want their tax money supporting a radical terrorist organization, that is actually hindering the progress of America and not benefitting America in the least, to do the same as myself and petition to your state senators and write possibly a very threatening message to PETA telling to stop funding terrorism and stop putting their tax debt on the rest of the American, honest, tax payers. God Bless America -- God Crush PETA!

To continue my rapidly-emerging expose on those of feeble mind, I will now rant, rave, and otherwise commit random acts of lunacy about the queen of them all: Oprah. She has been given the title of "Borg Queen of Feebs". Where she was crowned this (inside my very own skull, boys and girls) matters not. What is truly important is the evil swarm of feeble parents she has spawned, and now intends to destroy the world with using a giant "feeb ray" (you heard it here first, kiddies). However, you may be thinking, "how can Oprah be the Supreme Queen of Feebs? I thought that was my sister!" Your sister may very well be the closest associate of Oprah; that is not for me to prove or disprove. However, I present to you these startling facts: for the first (and only) time, I actually stopped flicking rapidly between channels on the Oprah Show. I wanted to change the channel, and with all my might I tried, but I simply couldn't. Also, through what I could catch, she was blaming all the world's evil on either MTV (idiotic, but not too bad) or violent video games. Yet, even through this obviously feebish (word of my own creation) activity, I was transfixed. Thus, Oprah is corrupting (or has corrupted) all our parents, who will raise her to power in the post-feeb ray apocalypse. I hope, for all our sakes, that she can be stopped.

Well, I was walking through the halls of the High School today (and the rest of my time there, (and the vast majority of my time in the public school system, for that matter)), and a shocking realization came to me. It was, and I quote: people, in general, are feebs. But why? Why are people such intolerable feebs? Then, another startling realization came to me. It was, simply, that popular culture, being the root of all evils, is also the root of this one. I mean really people, Take a step back and a look at what popular culture is, and even more importantly, what it isn't. It isn't about knowledge; if one were to do nothing but become entirely immersed in popular culture, on the day that such a poor, unfortunate soul went to his grave, he would have no idea of concepts as simple as what the heck a book is, or who George Washington was. Consider this: have you ever seen an ad for the newest bestseller, or even one of the great classics of literature, on MTV? Thus, it isn't about intelligence rising to the top, and stupidity sinking to the bottom (the ideal society, in my opinion). It's purely about mindless sex, terrible music, and above all, STUPID BRAINDEAD FEEBS. I hope that this little paragraph has given you some valuable insight into how bad society has become over the last few years. I know it should have.

I want to start my editorial off by declaring that I have no problems with Franson now that I have met him, and realize that he is a good person. But with that comment I would like to continue to say that if you ever use the phrase Jumped the Shark I will jump you with a Hitler Youth Knife. And to a further extent I will turn you into a whoriation and a pogue at the same time. But on that note I also give you Kudos because unlike the disgruntled idiot that falls under the psydo name Krispy (which he isnt) doesnt know how to use the phrase to the least extent. To avoid other confrontations of stupidity the other phrases that you are no one else can say are as listed below. Pogue, Hitler Youth Knife, psydo Ass, quazi Bitch, Stussi deine kopf nicht on dar lampe, Stussi deine impr?gnieren on dar lampe, whoriation, whoriator, or any other sort of line that I use on occasion. Yes, yes I will admit it AP has sent me over the cliff and I have snapped, and to an extent a raving psycho fool. And you quoting this line that I stole from Duffy, who stole from some other place that got it from Happy Days, makes me go even more crazy. So you have twisted my nipples to far as you pushed me from being crazy to stark raving mad. On one hand I applaud you efforts, but on the other hand I plan on killing you slowing while you sleep and watch you suffer under the sleak wisdom of my once Nazi weilded knife. El Fin (of the editorial and possibly of you).

Wow. Morpheus now sucks. Without Napster, the pornography-free music download software, as a whole, is absolutely awful. I'd even go so far as to say it "jumps the shark", if you will. How could all of these problems have been solved? By leaving people to run their business. Lassiez-faire capitolism is a good thing, for the most part. So long as someone isn't controlling the market of their products (which Napster was NOT) and driving up the prices of their products, thus screwing over the consumer (Napster never committed this act either), lassiez-faire works just fine. Napster wasn't controlling its field of business, as it never came anywhere close to controlling the music industry (which reported record-high profits in every single year following Napster's debut). The crux of my argument, stated simply, is that if the music industry had not whined and complained about having a single, small competitor for so long and to so many, I could still enjoy a Saturday morning discovering the best damn bands there are to be found. Thank you, music industry, and thank you judicial branch for ruining Napster, thus demolishing these small bands' only chance of success. You've done us an irrepayable favor.

There was a man who was rear ended by a woman on the highway who had her dog on her lap, she kept on driving, he forcerd her to the side, took her dog out of the car and trew it into oncoming traffic. He is now in jail and she got off without a single charge. I say this is insanity, under proper provication you should have the right to take the law into your own hands. This includes the killing of dogs when nessessary! She was a danger to all, and I believe her licences should be taken away and she should be greatly fined.

WARNING: THIS RANT IS RATED "R" FOR LANGUAGE *bitter laugh*

Okay, here goes:

Does anyone else see the absurdity of this situation? My father, in all his incredible wisdom, has decided that I, being an impressionable teenager, may not watch R-rated films, despite the fact that some of the best movies out there bear said rating. (Example: I ask him to see every single one of the following. His one an only reply? "You can, when you're seventeen". Here's the list: A Clockwork Orange, Godfather I, Godfather II, Godfather III, The Silence of the Lambs, Patton, and Platoon.) Side notes: 1. He scoffed at me when I asked to see A Clockwork Orange, asking "why do you want to see that?". 2. He OWNS the Godfather trilogy.

Just as some background, of the 35 or so American Film Institute Top 100 films made since the movie rating system was enacted, 17 or so were R-rated. That means that the R-rated category produces just as many good films per year as those in all three other categories combined.

But here's where it gets really good. On his own, he has asked me to see the following critically-acclaimed R-rateds: Alien 3, Blade, and The Matrix, all by himself, with no prompting whatsoever from me. Am I missing something here, or is my dad an ignorant hypocrite who contradicts both himself and readily-available information on a daily basis?

Hmm... I seem to have forgotten all the language I was going to add... Oh well, best just leave it. *another bitter laugh*

~Chris Franson, 2/8/02